For the first time ever today I listened back to one of my podcast episodes.
I’ve never done that.
I record them, upload the audio files to google drive, and Zoe takes it from there.
Something happened this week however, when I was in Folly Beach, NC.
We held a hapé ceremony with some friends the night we arrived, in the open air under trees and the early evening stars.
(Side note: Hapé is a sacred tobacco snuff, made by the indigenous tribes of the Amazon, pronounced ‘haa-pay’ in English. It’s used for deep connection to the spirits, animals and Mother Nature, it’s cleansing and powerfully healing for the body, mind, and soul.)
It was my first hapé experience and in the end, powerful.
During ceremony I felt a deep connection with the earth, I felt grounded. I had the strangest dreams that evening, that weren’t really like dreams at all (it felt as though I was being spiritually upgraded) and in the morning I woke with extreme clarity.
Clarity around what I’m building with Grow My Team, the bigger picture, and spent an hour or two in what can only be described as downloading instructions, ideas and direction for the future.
Everything has changed.
Specifically, I’ve cleared and blocked my calendar.
I have a pattern of diverting my energy all over the place, and often to people and projects I’m not necessarily involved with.
The mask I’ve worn throughout my life, to counter my unhealed abandonment wound, was one of creating dependance. Making myself available to people to ‘help’ them, validates my ego, makes me feel valuable and as though people wouldn’t leave me.
A clear message I received the morning after ceremony was to make space and take time not being available to others.
It feels selfish.
It challenges me at my core.
Who am I and how am I of value to the world if I’m not there for those in need?
However it also felt definitively right, and only a few days later I’ve observed just how many requests I receive daily for advice and guidance. My ego, of course, loves all of this.
So for June, I’m closing my availability down. For just a month. To see how it l feels and what I learn about myself.
This space and awareness, already, has further increased my level of engagement (which was already high) with Grow My Team and what we’re creating.
Like this morning…
I made time to listen back to podcast episodes so I can l learn from them and become a better host. I’ve switched up my morning ritual to create first, before anything else. Write my book, work on a piece of content for the company, solve a complex problem, ideate and brainstorm on our future.
Hot dayummm! I am no doubt in beast mode, there’s little space for much else and it feels good.
