Driving across Utah mid-2019, I was thinking deeply about truth. How to know it, how to express it, how to be ok with it. Earlier that year I’d started sharing with you all deeper parts of myself, things I was struggling with, behavior loops I was stuck in. Self-loathing. Sabotage.
Every post left me feeling raw, exposed, sometimes regretful, however at the same time I was healing. Releasing what I’d previously kept hidden out of shame and fear, was essentially my process of integrating my shadow. Accepting who I am, learning to love and nurture with compassion all of myself.
My sharing also led to a multitude of conversations with many of you. People were reaching out to me constantly, resonating with what I’d shared, asking if I’d talk with them about their own inner struggles. We were healing together.
With two days of driving behind me, and Colorado calling me home, I received a clear download from God. The Universe. My higher self. Whatever you want to call it.
These conversations need to be made available to others. There’s profound healing in them. Record them. Start a podcast.
In My Truth was born.
The first episode was released on July 22, just a few weeks after that long drive home from Vancouver to Colorado, and since then I’ve recorded 40 episodes covering everything from plant medicine, sexual assault, substance abuse to the fear and desire for life changes like career shifts, relationship transitions or moving country.
While it’s been a healing journey for us all, it’s also been a literal study of truth. My truth. The truth of others. Universal truths (or lack thereof). How and why we hide our truth and, given a cultural bent toward suppression of truth, how to even find it in the first place. The energy of truth. The freedom of truth.
What’s fascinating to reflect upon is how simple truth is. How simple our truth becomes in comparison to the skill set we develop and hone in order to hide the parts of us we don’t think are enough.
Truth is freedom. Because there is nothing else.
When we embrace the art of expressing ourselves in a way that is in alignment with our energy, everything shifts. And that’s what it is. There’s no skill needed to speak or act in truth, what’s needed is self-inquiry, curiosity and a boat load of courage.
It’s a brave act, in this world, to show up in complete alignment. When we use our words to express the inner turmoil we’re in the middle of, when we share our past actions and behaviors as fact, rather than hiding them or justifying them. This is strength. This is empowerment. This is liberation.
When we do this, we say to ourselves:
You are enough, exactly as you are. All of you is lovable. Your shadow and your light. I love and accept all of you.
When our words or actions don’t match our inner world, we are instead using them to hide ourselves and manipulate those around us. To manipulate them into believing we are the version of ourselves we think they want us to be. Because we are rejecting parts of who we really are.
Whether consciously or not, everyone feels this at some level, and all involved are then working energetically to interpret and understand what’s really going on. This can be obvious, or incredibly subtle, but either way it keeps us small, broken and living the story we’re not enough as we are.
When we step into truth, our relationships and the world around us comes into vibrational resonance. Yes, this means some dynamics evolve because there’s now energetic clarity that didn’t exist before. This is a good thing. We move into a state of expansive energy, and we make space for others to do the same.
I wrote recently about 2020 being the best year of my life. This is why. Because in 2019 I committed to truth. I committed to myself and to showing up in alignment.
It’s been a practice. I’m not perfect.
I get scared again sometimes, and then I remember it’s my truth that liberates me, and walking through that fire always leads me to freedom and expansion.
