What a year we’ve had!
For me, it’s been the best of my life, while I know for others it’s been the exact opposite. Whatever it’s been for us as individuals however, what we did collectively come face to face with is uncertainty.
Uncertainty is ever present, however we have clever ways of convincing ourselves of the opposite. And most often when one of us experiences uncertainty or drastic change, it’s only happening to us. This year, it was inescapable as the ‘global pandemic’ turned all of our plans, goals and dreams upside down.
We were united in uncertainty.
Interestingly for me, everything I put on my vision board this time last year, still came to be. Not in the ways I had originally thought, but it all happened… and more.
- I met and married the most beautiful, healed and divinely whole man. I couldn’t have even dreamed up his perfection.
- We’re expecting a baby boy, something I wasn’t sure I’d ever do.
- The entire world was thrust into remote work, giving my business Grow My Team, and our tech startup Growmotely, a GIANT leap forward. I’ve known for years remote work was the future and that eventually people would open up to it, however never could I have predicted the entire planet would experience it essentially overnight.
These are the things we can’t plan.
And if 2020 has taught me one thing, it’s to surrender our plans and instead spend each moment living as close to our fullest potential as we possibly can.
If my fullest potential one day was to be in bed grieving the fact I don’t know when I’ll see my family in Australia again, so be it. I learned this year to be with my emotions and process them out as they arise. This, in these moments, is my fullest potential.
Because by being with them and letting them go, I don’t put them onto others, or carry them forward with me into other areas of my life.
If I’m inspired at midnight and not sleeping (thanks to pregnancy) I get up and put the inspiration to use, napping the next day. This is my fullest potential in those moments.
By living in this fullest potential moment to moment, the fullest potential of my entire life begins to take shape. I am not in control, nor do I need to be. I am having an experience. I am the Universe experiencing itself, or to put it another way I am the Universe as and within the interconnectedness of everything.
Who I was in December of 2019 is not who sits typing these words today.
This year has changed me forever.
The deep wound of abandonment that drove most of my behavior and relationships, for most of my life, received intensive care this year. This work is layered, and it seems there’s always more, however my relentless pursuit of growth and healing (something I had deep shame around in 2018 as I spiraled toward a breakdown) has paid off.
I’m a goddamn warrior at this point.
I have an army of dedicated and committed warriors walking by my side, I have a full arsenal of tools, and have been to the Underworld and back over and over again. Each time, emerging stronger, more whole, sovereign. I am not in fear anymore. I am not in shame anymore. I know how to fight my dragons, and bring them to their knees.
This year has been the greatest gift. It’s been medicine and alchemy and magic. And at the same time, it’s been just like any other year. Uncertainty. Joy. Pain. Loneliness. Connection. Grief. Love. Passion. Communion. Surrender. All the things.
The gifts are here for us. Now and always. If we meet them, if we know and understand it’s all happening for a reason. Even if that reason is simply for us to have an experience.
I hope, like me, you’ve found the gifts in the year we’ve had. I hope you’re enjoying time with people you love presently, and with deep love in my heart, I wish you a rich and profound 2021.
