I love you. I see you. I am you.
I created this mantra for myself about a year ago.
It was during my first Fit for Service summit in Tulum, Mexico. I arrived to the cocktail event and was overwhelmed with feeling out of place, like I didn’t belong. I stayed for about an hour and left quickly so I could be alone again.
Driving home, confusion and self-inquiry set in. What was I feeling, and why? Where was it all coming from? There was a part of me that wondered if I didn’t feel as though I was ‘enough’ for the group. Like not good enough.
Digging deeper however, I discovered that wasn’t it at all.
My ugly truth was I felt better than everyone. The story in my head was “these people don’t know who I am, but when they find out they’ll want me to be a leader, they’ll want to listen to what I have to say, I’ll be the one addressing the group.”
My goddess, I almost crashed the car. What the actual f*ck?!
After processing the requisite self-loathing, I continued with my contemplation and ultimately saw this was the other side of the ‘not enough’ coin. Not being enough was my childhood story (a sick kid with asthma, who was constantly missing school, didn’t have many friends and generally felt less of a human than others). Being better than was my adult story, creating community, businesses and holding leadership positions in order to prove my worthiness in the world. A mission I’d succeeded in, from my ego’s perspective.
I saw it all for what it was. Separation.
Either way, I was separate from others. I was still alone. Alone at the top, alone at the bottom.
From that moment forth I adopted the mantra: “I love you. I see you. I am you.” and I’d repeat it whilst I lay eyes on any other human being I came into contact with. Irrespective of age, race, gender or ‘place’ in society. I even started repeating to animal and plants and the sun and the moon.
I love you. I see you. I am you.
I love you. I see you. I am you.
I love you. I see you. I am you.
I observed and released the judgements and stories that would subconsciously surface, about myself and about the person I was looking at, in every moment.
It was fascinating, and over time I felt more and more connection to everything in the entire Universe.
My practice has slipped, but this week it’s what I’ve chosen to come back to in response to the rumblings on the planet right now.
I love you. I see you. I am you.
I am the cop.
I am George Floyd.
I am the rioters.
I am the peaceful protestors.
I am the silent.
I am the activist.
I am the homeless person on the street corner.
I am the other homeless person who bowed to me with a smile this morning as I walked by (I smiled big right back).
I am the rich, and the famous, and the poor, and the unknown.
I am all the violence and rage and hate and fear and joy and love and compassion in this world.
I am the trees, and the stars, and the rocks, and the ocean, and the mountains.
I am most certainly a white female of priveledge.
I am all of it.
And right now, I am a being committed to my continued inner work of looking at my own judgements and stories that arise, and releasing them. One by one. Moment by moment. Little by little.
Releasing and connecting.
