The other day I was unpacking one of my stories as I do.
It was the one about being allergic to animals. Something I’ve told myself most of my life, only to realize I’m not actually allergic, instead my body has had a physiological response to a story my young self had subconsciously concocted around the love of my father.
I believed my Dad loved our pets (we had A LOT of pets) more than me, and that he’d choose them over our family if he had to. I guess when he left, we had less pets and he had plenty still in his new life, and therefore my belief was confirmed.
None of this is or was real of course, however unpacking it meant I’ve freed myself from a lifetime of ‘allergies’ and am able to cuddle and bond with dogs again. What a gift.
Uncovering something deep like this excites me.
It liberates an aspect of my life moving forward.
And so I told Mum when I was next on the phone with her.
Her response, “Oh well, when all else fails, blame your childhood.”.
It was a casual remark, and I know she didn’t mean anything by it. However, it’s sat with me since because… I like to peel back the layers and understand the deeper meaning of my responses to things! 😉
That’s the key though, it’s our response to something that matters. Not the thing itself.
It doesn’t matter why Mum said it, or what she even meant by it. It matters I’ve been thinking about it.
It’s that little part of me who feels silly, and guilty, for doing this inner work. The part of me who’s always felt insecure about being ‘sensitive’. The part of me who wishes I could just forget about things, and move on. The part of me who’s felt ‘too much’ for being so curious about myself and my stories. The analyst in me who wonders if it’s all just ‘over-analysis’ as I’ve been told so many times before.
And so this is a chance to release yet another story.
Because what’s truth?
I’ve healed my asthma through understanding myself. I’ve healed my allergies through understanding myself. I’ve healed the anxiety and depression I experienced through understanding myself. I’m a better friend, daughter, sister, lover, friend and leader through the deep diving I’ve done to understand myself. I’m able to give and receive the love of others fully because I’m no longer wearing any protective masks.
This is my path.
And we each have the right to take the path that works for us.
